Joshua Cole.

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Poems



All My Fault

 

It's all your fault
That's what they say to me
When anything goes wrong
No matter what it is
Or where I was
When it happened
They still tell me
It's all my fault
It's all your fault
It used to hurt me deeply
It would make me cry and
Cause my heart
To break in two
But still they
Insisted that
It's all my fault


It's all your fault
And now I believe them all
It's imprinted on my brain
I don't question why
I no longer ask how
I just know that
They speak the truth
It's all my fault

 

Come With Me

 

Come with me where tears don't fall
My heart and soul will be as new again
Take hold of my hand and heed my call
I'll take me to where it never rains
I call to myself
Easing my fear
Tempting me to
Take me there 
Come with me where nothing aches
My pain will fade away to nothing
Just follow me there, that's all it takes
I'll take me where it's always spring


I call to myself
Easing my fear
Tempting me to
Take me there


Come with me where everything's good
I'll no longer have to fight so hard
And I'll never be misunderstood
I'll take me to my eternal reward


I called to myself,
Eased my fear
Convinced me to
Take me there


I lay with me as I drew my last breath
Watched as my eyes closed the last time
I accepted me as I welcomed death
I took me before I was in my prime

 

Drowning

 

Drowning in a sea of tears
Weeping in my solitary space
Laughing and joking merrily
When anyone looks at me
Drowning in a sea of fear
Cowering in an empty room
Standing tall and acting brave
When anyone looks at me 
Drowning in a sea of hate
Tearing my flesh in private
Smiling and showering love
When anyone looks at me

 

 


Drowning in a sea of despair
Alone I hide my confusion
Acting as if I have it figured out
When anyone looks at me


Drowning in a sea of pretence
Constantly wearing my mask
Falling apart and crumbling
If anyone looked closely

 

Failed Fairy Tale

 

They called me
Rapunzel
Since my hair fell
Right down my back
Witty, inventive
I laughed so hard
That I took scissors 
And snipped away
Until it was gone
They called me
Goldilocks
For indeed I did
Have blonde hair
Amusing, original
So funny in fact
That I hit the bottle
And died it black
Blonde hair no longer 
They called me 
Sleeping Beauty
Because I could sleep
Wherever I was
Humorous, clever
So much so that
Now I stay awake
Throughout the night
Wishing for sleep

 


They called me
The ugly sister
As I am ugly and
I have two sisters
Hilarious, smart
It made my mouth 
Ache from the smile
And my eyes burn
From unshed tears


They call me
Nothing at all
I don't matter enough
To have a name
Charming, hurtful
I'm no princess
Not even close
I failed them all
By being me


They'll call me
Stupid bitch
When they learn
That I ended it all
Shocking, confusing
For they will never
Understand why
My tale could have 
No happy ending 

 

I Sit In Silence

 

I sit in silence, thats just my life. 
thoughts in my head, cutting like a knife. 
people smile and try to be kind, 
they never know what goes on in my mind. 
how could they know, the despare that i feel. 
i dont know myself, how to start to heal. 
i've asked all the questions, the how and the why. 
i just hit a wall, all i want to do is just die. 
i've turned to god, in the midnight hour, 
help me dear lord, you have the power. 
remove the feelings of lost and dispare, 
but my prayers just float, as there is no-one there.


The family worry, there,s lots of tears, 
WHAT ABOUT ME, it falls on deaf ears. 
HOW CAN YOU HELP ME, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. 
i try to explain, to make a stand.


I'm ill i say, on the inside not out, 
my mind is not my own i begin to shout. 
then more tears, on self pity i dwell, 
if i killed my self, they will be happy in hell.


Then i see the upset i have caused all around, 
the torment i have caused with out making a sound. 
i thought i was doing right keeping it all inside, 
but depression is EVIL and refuses to hide.


So i give in and go on the meds. 
some days feeling like i had multiple heads. 
laying in bed, wishing my life away, 
but painting on my smile to meet the new day.


She must be getting well, i hear them all say, 
when secretly inside i wish them away. 
but still i smile and push it all down, 
always a smile, trying never to frown.


I force it down so deep, i want to be sick, 
watching each minute..tick..tock...tick. 
the meds must be working, or so they are thinking 
till i awake again with the feeling of sinking.


Why me? why my life? i scream in my head, 
as i lay awake again in my hell called my bed. 
this cant be it, this cant be all i have in my life, 
each day having to lie, when it cuts like a knife.


Then i get well, my head feels like mine, 
they must all be right, it must heal....the thing called time. 
so i get back to it, being the old me again. 
hoping never to hear the whistle of the depression train.


But it never goes far, that evil black cloud, 
next time it comes, i,ll scream real load. 
I BEAT YOU ONCE AND I,LL DO IT AGAIN, 
I DONT HAVE A TICKET, SO I WONT RIDE ON YOUR TRAIN.

 
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