I am the middle of five children. We are
close in age, with my brother the oldest. I have two younger,
and one older sister.
My brother sexually molested each one of us. It was hard
to say no when you knew that if not you, then your younger
sister. My parents would send us to do chores with him,
and if we tried not to go, we were the bad ones. He once
turned a tractor over on himself and broke his leg. We got
yelled at because he was alone - no thank God none of the
little girls were along. He had power over the whole house,
treating us and our parents any way he wanted. We watched
them hand it over to him. My father is an alcoholic and
joined AA 25 years ago. My sisters and I are still waiting
for him to make amends to us for not providing us with a
safe home, but I guess it's not happening.
I was sexually active at a young age with other boys, and
became pregnant at 15. We married a year after my son was
born, and went on to have another son, then divorced. My
husband was the meanest, scariest man I ever met, and I
was lucky to get out alive. We were in therapy together
for a short time - when he baled out, I stayed, and became
overly attached and dependent on my therapist.
After a year with no car and only able to work part time
and not handling matters very well, I let my boys go live
with their dad's parents. I had problems during this time
with drugs and alcohol but did get that under control long
enough to marry again. That marriage didn't work either
because he was eastern European and we were too different.
I was then alone for several years and again had problems
with drugs and alcohol. I moved to another state, and determined
to begin a new life. I spent much time soul searching, and
eventually built a good reputation here.
I then was able to meet good people, and married an angel
who has given me a good life. We have five boys between
us and they are all adults now. I have had a good, rewarding
job for 10 years. My moods, while fluctuating more than
I would have liked, were managable. I had more problems
and always have had more problems with my memory of current
events in my life and misunderstandings with people in my
current life. Several months ago I had major surgery, and
suffered some stress from that which seems to have caused
a bit of a flare-up. I am feeling good today, and when I
feel good, I can't believe I'll ever feel that badly again.
Then it comes around again, and I can't believe I'll ever
feel good again.
Thanks for the reading.
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